Ch. 6 Today's New Woman

Should I convert to Judaism? It sure does sound like there are happy marriages within this religion if all men abide by their sexual obligations towards their wife. The "conjugal rights" of a woman are outlined in the Torah (Shalit, 114). According to these rules a wife has the right to forbid her husband from switching to an occupation that would entail less conjugal visits. This suggests that this society saw it completely natural for a woman to have sexual desires that needed to be satisfied by her husband. Why in today's society is it so shocking when a woman reveals that she has a sexual fantasy or desire and then even more shocking when she acts upon it? I am tired of women being accused of being slutty or whores when in actuality they have less sexual experiences then the average man. The Torah was written hundreds of years ago, yet today we are shocked to learn that a woman can be horny. Welcome to the 21st century.

Chapter 5: Forgiving Modesty

Shalit talks about how modesty should not be taken lightly. She disagrees that woman should not have sex without being in a relationship. I feel as though if both parties feel it's not going any further, then let be what it is. I'm so sick of people judging females that have sex a lot. Calling them names such as "whores" and "sluts". I feel as though as they still have the same impulse as males do but do not show it on a regular basis. Females have the same needs as males. The double standard should show through. If I were sleeping around, I would not want to be called a "man-whore" or and "man-slut". Also I think that I am the non-essentialist according to this book. Because I believe that feminists should not be so judgmental towards males.

Chapter 4

I disagree with a lot of Shalit’s statements in the fourth chapter. She is so protective of women and almost abusive towards men and this makes me not believe a lot of what she says. Another thing that I don’t like about her style of writing is the way she hardly ever makes a statement on her own; it seems that almost every other sentence is a quote about how some girl was raped or how society used to be better when women were more modest. I think it is ridiculous the way she quotes Helen Gurley saying that women should “keep a married man or two”. Why would it be acceptable for a woman to seduce a married man, when she knows he is married, but it is not acceptable for that married man to be seduced? I understand the part on “immodesty in dress” where she says that girls have to dress a certain way in high school but at the same time I don’t understand why. If they didn’t want to dress “slutty” or however the “norm” is to dress there is nothing that says they have to. My high school I imagine as being very normal in the sense that everyone formed cliques and groups of their friends that would hang out with each other and they all seemed to dress alike within their groups. If they had to dress slutty why did they not just get decent friends that would not make them feel odd for dressing the way they want to. I think the final thing that I did not like about the way she writes is the way she always seems as if all the problems with immodesty are men’s fault. Shalit implies that men make women dress like whores and men are responsible for women having eating disorders. I say that if a woman (or a man) has an eating disorder that it is their own fault for not having the courage to stand up for themselves and not having a “healthy self image”. Although there were many of her views in this chapter that I did not like, I did like her point about “forbidden questions”. I have always thought it was ridiculous that there were questions that were tabooed against asking especially ones that would help people learn from other people’s mistakes.

Chapter 3: The Fallout

When reading this chapter, I was suprised that Shalit indirectly blames women for being raped, harassed, and stalked. Shalit suggests that women control the way that people act towards them by the clothing (or lack of clothing) they wear and how they behave. She suggests that the feminist mindset that "everyone is equal" has taught men that women want the same thing they do from sexual relationships. Shalit even goes on to say that "If men are brought up, as today's boys are, believing that girls always want the same thing they do from sexual encounters,... then they are that much more likely to be impatient and uncomprehending of a women's 'no'." I couldn't help but wonder how Shalit can believe what she had written. Yes, what you wear and how they act does have an effect on how people act towards you, but it is not an open invitation for rape or sexual harassment. Everyone understands what "no" is, that is one of the first things we learn. As children we nod our head side to side in order to get away from the evil liquidified carrot/pea blend. Shalit can not blame equality for men raping women. Men who don't listen to a woman's no have serious pyschological issues, which can be blamed on a number of factors such as previous molestation and abuse. Each individual is responsible for their own actions, which has nothing to do with gender equality.

Chapter 2

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Chapter 2: From Start to... Finished??

As I dove into chapter two with a title marking "Postmodern Sexual Etiquette, From Hook-Up to Checkup", I was some what intrigued to see what Shalit would delve into and how she would express her experiences. I shortly found that she had for the most part published what most people know, just don't say. I read on enthusiastically until I came to the third stage labeled: The Post Dumping Checkup. I found this segment, although not completely false, yet completely one sided and generalized, especially coming from someone with such an "extensive" dating career such as Shalit. Her words "What is this prudish, morbid stake society now has in making everyone stay fake friends".

I as a male, having yes.. Dated my share of women, have for the most part remained good friends with quite a few of them. Not to mention my Ex- fiance of four years, who engaged 3 weeks after moving out to a guy she's known for 10 days. And from personal experience I can say that even when we had coffee for our second "check up" as she calls it, its not as such a waist as she claims. Now yes, there's a lot of politics and unspoken rules taboo to follow, but it's not as useless as she would have it to be. But who am I? I'm just a male, and by her words, "To be concerned with male honor, of course, is wrong... And nobody wants to generalize. You can get in serious trouble for generalizing..." Yet, her "theories" are justified. Hmm...

Chapter 1

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Chapter 1: Curious Children

While reading chapter one of Shalit's "A Return to Modesty," I began to ask myself the questions: "how did I learn about sex?" and "was I comfortable with it at the time?" If I remember correctly the first time I was ever formaly taught about sex was in the 5th grade. However, I do believe I was fully aware of what sex was before that uncomfortable SexEd class. I was a curious child like many are and if there was something out there that I wanted to know about then there was no stopping me in finding out what it was all about. I learned from sisters, friends, tv, radio, magazines, you name it and I probably learned about some aspect of sex from it. It's everywhere! If I was discontent with my knowledge of sexuality then who or what would I blame? I certainly wouldn't blame SexEd class; I learned nothing new that day.

I have always agreed that knowledge is power and therefore the more you know about sex then the better equipped you are to make appropriate decisions. Shalit seems to believe that SexEd is actually doing more harm than good to children. If anything I believe that I should have had SexEd class earlier in my life, then maybe I wouldn't have gotten in so much trouble for snooping. No matter what is taught in SexEd class or when it is taught, I feel that it is only an extremely small portion of my overall sexual knowledge. This is the sexual knowledge that I use to make my appropriate decisions. Maybe I wasn't an average child though (wouldn't surprise me) and therefore I ask could Shalit's beliefs towards SexEd class be valid?